One of the reasons I started this series was to talk about this subject. M O N E Y. You may not believe it, but financial differences and money fights are a number one cause for divorce. Not affairs or other circumstances, but money differences. For that reason, it is so important to sit down with your spouse, talk about your finances, and create a budget together.
A couple months after we were married we took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class. This course CHANGED the way we think about money and how we spend & save our money. Our first year after being out of the class we paid off a few thousand dollars of debt and started figuring out a budget together. Unfortunately, we weren't as strict as we had hoped and slipped back into credit card debt when we both switched jobs. We are back on track now and are paying off the debt and starting to save. It is hard to be strict with your budget, especially when you walk into Target or go out to eat on the weekends. Setting goals of getting out of debt, or saving up for a vacation, or wanting to give money to a cause requires being very diligent with your finances. In one of Dave's books called EntreLeadership: 20 Years of Practical Business Wisdom from the Trenches he says,
“If you don’t own the goal and it doesn’t come from your dream, then you won’t have the toughness to persevere when the going gets tough. And I will promise you that the going will get tough. There is never an exception—everyone who wins must push through obstacles, lots of them. You simply will not get up at dawn for your three-mile run because your wife wants you thinner. Big goals require big backbone—wimps need not apply.”
In this post I am preaching to myself. In our marriage, I am the spender and Kevin is the saver. But I am also the one who pays the bills and figures out the initial budget because I am more organized and OCD with the calendar and when bills come out. Kevin and I are working on sitting down at the beginning of the month and going over the budget together and discussing it. This helps us to both know what is going on, what we are spending money on that month, and where we are headed in the future. Another thing Dave says a lot is this:
Isn't that so true?! When we really sit back and think about why we buy the things we do isn't it because we want to impress people? By having the latest brand of clothing, or that new bag everyone is talking about, the newest iPhone, or the big tv to watch the game on. I am preaching to myself here! And especially with social media we want to show off what we have. But these things are not eternal. I want to spend our money on helping a girl who has been rescued from human trafficking move into her house by buying her a couch. I want to save up for a nice date night with Kevin where we can enjoy great food and wine together and invest in our relationship. In the near future Kevin and I want to buy a house and be able to pay it off in 15 years. These are some of the dreams I have and I will never get there if I am buying another pair of earrings at Target. Although these things aren't bad and can be bought in moderation, too much can cause problems. It is important to make sure every dollar in your account has an assignment. I know that seems small, but the small things add up SO fast.
Dave Ramsey's principals are based off of these seven baby steps:
STEP 1: $1,000 to Start an Emergency Fund
STEP 2: Pay Off All Debt but the House
STEP 3: 3 to 6 Months of Expenses in Savings
STEP 4: Invest 15% of Household Income Into Retirement
STEP 5: College Funding for Children
STEP 6: Pay Off Home Early
STEP 7: Build Wealth and Give
This year Kevin and I have a goal to pay off our debt and start saving for a house. One thing we have taken away from Dave's class and implemented this year was paying for our photography rebrand (website and logo) with cash. Dave says not to spend money that you don't have. It is definitely a learning process and starts with making small decisions every day. Being on board with your spouse about where your money is going is such an important part of marriage. When you are married, you are ONE which means your finances are ONE and the decisions you make should be together.
If you are looking for a fresh start and want to learn how to navigate the financial aspect of your marriage with your spouse, you should find a Financial Peace University in your area. They are offered all over the country! Dave Ramsey teaches you how to dump debt, build wealth, and give like never before.
When I was at Pursuit 31 this past year, I went to a breakout session called Winning with Money with Nancy Ray. The biggest thing I took away from that talk was this:
It all comes down to your heart. What are you finding your satisfaction in. Your stuff? The number of dollars in your bank account? 1 Timothy 6:6 says, "Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth." Having our identity in Christ and knowing that we take nothing from this earth to the grave should be in our thoughts when we go to buy something. When I die I want to leave legacy of love and be content with where we spent our money and who we gave our money to. Nancy also recommended reading The Soul of Money which is on my book list for this year!
Let's hear from a few seasoned married couples about their advice on money in regards to marriage. My parents are one of these couples because they have done a great job modeling what to do with money. Growing up, we always bought used cars, we tithed 10% to our church or an organization we wanted to give to, and we only used debit cards. Everyone does things differently in how they teach their kids about money, but I trust what these two couples have to say!
THE ABELL FAMILY
How long have you been married? How many kids do you have?
30 years | 4 children
Do you have combined bank accounts? If so, why did you make this decision?
Genesis 2:4 says, That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." When we said our vows to each other, we made a covenant that we would become one in every area of our lives, including finances. So yes we have a combined bank account where we discern together how to stewarding all the resources the Lord has entrusted to us. Instead of it being mine, or yours, it is "ours."
What do you believe is one of the most important aspects in budgeting with your spouse?
Prayer, listen to and honor each other's core values, and regular and honest communication along the way.
What advice would you give to a newlywed couple about how they spend their money in the first 5 years of being married?
If you are in debt, take the Financial Peace University class and work to get out of debt as fast as possible. Debt can become a constant source of conflict that can divide you. Sit down and put a realistic budget together. Talk through any purchases greater than an agreed upon amount before spending. When you put a budget together, each person should have some discretionary money they can spend on anything they would like. Have an emergency fund for those emergencies that will happen for sure.
At what age did you buy your first house together? Did you feel like you rushed into it or that it was planed out well? Any advice for people wanting to buy a house in the near future?
We bought our first home together when we were 27 & 26. Like all our other significant purchases it was very planned out and we took our time because we have learned that decisions we made that were rushed, most of the time, ended up being mistakes. Have enough money in the bank to make a good down payment and salaries that can handle the mortgage without stretching.
Do you give any money away? If so, what is one of the best giving decisions you have made in your marriage?
Yes, to commit together to give regularly no matter what's going on with our finances and to see everything we own, including our money, belonging to God. We simply see ourselves as stewards of His resources. We also look for ways to give over and above, asking God where He would like us to give.
Do you have any books or teaching that you recommend for newlyweds who are just starting out and eventually want to have financial freedom in their marriage?
Financial Peace University seems to be the best teaching at this time. Also any of Tim Keller's sermons on money.
THE GOLEMBIESKY FAMILY
How long have you been married? How many kids do you have?
10 years | 3 children
Do you have combined bank accounts? If so, why did you make this decision?
Yes, to make paying bills easier.
What do you believe is one of the most important aspects in budgeting with your spouse?
Being on the same page! It is so vital to have the same priorities and goals to work toward. Every dollar should have a plan. We would recommend each person gets a pre-decided amount of spending money of their own each month. This allows for freedom of spending on what they choose - it might be Starbucks, iTunes, house decor, ect. This takes away a lot of tension.
What advice would you give to a newlywed couple about how they spend their money in the first 5 years of being married?
Pay off any debt. Don't spend what you don't have! Spend less than you make. Have a plan for all your money!
At what age did you buy your first house together? Did you feel like you rushed into it or that it was planed out well? Any advice for people wanting to buy a house in the near future?
22. We absolutely rushed into it! There was NO plan. We bought higher than we could really afford. Take your time, have a budget and don't go over it. Whatever the bank qualifies you for is to high-be sure to buy well under that amount. Decide what you can actually afford monthly (usually 25-30% of your income) and base your buying price on that. Rent a little longer if you can to save and have 20% or more to put as a down payment.
Do you give any money away? If so, what is one of the best giving decisions you have made in your marriage?
Yes. The best decision we made was to trust God and give a tithe off of our net income. Leave freedom in your budget for giving where the Lord prompts you.
Do you have any books or teaching that you recommend for newlyweds who are just starting out and eventually want to have financial freedom in their marriage?
FINANCIAL PEACE UNIVERSITY - Attending the class. LIFE CHANGING!
Your marriage is worth protecting and fighting for. Spend time with your spouse and talk about the hard things! It will only make you stronger together.